Ramblings from 3kalbia

Moving Time

2006-03-11T14:47:00.000-06:00

Okay, gang I've made the first official post on the new home of 3kalb and Annoyed Llama, Error 204. It's a good one. I suggest you check it out.

Right now the blog itself is very basic. We're trying to find time to get together and fix it up. It may take us awhile. Llama is heading down to Florida the week of the 18 - 24ish. So, it'll just be me manning the blog.

This may very well be my last post on Ramblings from 3kalbia. If you want my inane jibberish you'll have to visit Error 204.

CHECK IT

Bad TV! Go Lay Down

2006-03-02T15:46:00.000-06:00

Here's a 7 minute and 40 second video roundup of all the most controversial TV-MA moments from the past few years. Not for the weak of heart.

WARNING MATURE CONTENT

WATCH THE VIDEO

OOGA CHAKKA OOGA CHAKKA

2006-03-02T13:12:00.000-06:00

Hasselhoff IS Hooked On A Feeling. OH is he ever!
Is there anything Hasselhoff can't do?

WATCH THE VIDEO

You've Come A Long Way, Baby

2006-03-02T08:20:00.000-06:00

So, in an effort to keep blogging, my brother (the llama) and I have decided to go in on a single blog. Seeing as we both post on occasion it will actually seem like there are regular posts made to it, but in actuality it'll just be us being lazy. HOO AH!

It's a piece of shit right now, but check it out. See, what will soon be, or is right now, but needs some work... ERROR 204: BLOG HAS NO CONTENT! Or as I like to call her E204.

Seeing as 3kalbia is FUBAR right now, it will soon be a distant memory. *tear*

I'll miss you, monkey.

Have Mercy

2006-02-06T14:28:00.000-06:00

While tooling around at YouTube.com I came across this little gem. It's both incredible and frightnening. Enjoy! P.S. I'm digging on their music.

CAPTION: San Francisco electrocknic band Pants Pants Pants has recreated the intros to seasons 1 and 5 of Full House in painstaking detail for their newest music video.

Click Here to Watch

Down and Out In Deep 13: Another List

2006-02-03T15:17:00.000-06:00

3kalb's Games of 2k5

0.1 Resident Evil 4 (D:Capcom P:Capcom)

0.2 God of War (D: Sony Computer Entertainment P: SCE Studios Santa Monica)

0.3 Burnout Revenge (D: Criterion Games P: Electronic Arts)

0.4 Indigo Prophecy (D: Quantic Dream P: Atari)

0.5 Psychonauts (D: Double Fine Prod. P: Majesco Games)

0.6 F.E.A.R. (D: Monolith P: VU Games)

0.7 Shadow of the Colossus (D: SCEI P: SCEA)

0.8 Guitar Hero (D: Harmonix Music P: RedOcatane)

0.9 Genji: Dawn of the Samurai (D: Game Republic P: SCEA)

1.0 Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks (D: Midway Studios L.A. P: Midway)

1.1 Trauma Center: Under the Knife (D: Atlus Co. P: Atlus Co.)

1.2 Evil Dead: Regeneration (D: Cranky Pants Games P: THQ)

1.3 Call of Duty 2 (D: Infinity Ward P: Activision)

Slutty Puppies Mirror

Way Down In Deep 13!

2006-02-03T14:23:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning to post this for awhile now. So, without further ado...

3kalb's Musical Cuts of 2k5

0.1 Mahjongg - RaYDONcoNG 2005 (Cold Crush)

0.2 Bloc Party - Silent Alarm (Vice)

0.3 The Selmanaries - Here Come The Selmanaries (International Hits)

0.4 LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsystem (DFA/EMI)

0.5 Gorillaz - Demon Days (Virgin)

0.6 Mugison - Mugimama! Is This Monkey Music? (Ipecac)

0.7 Danger Doom - The Mouse & The Mask (Epitaph)

0.8 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (self-realeased)

0.9 Deerhoof - The Runners Four (Kill Rock Stars)

1.0 Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene (Arts & Crafts)

1.1 Death From Above 1979 - You're A Woman, I'm A Machine (Last Gang/Vice)

1.2 John Vanderslice - Pixel Revolt (Barsuk)

1.3 M.I.A. - Arular (XL/Beggars)

There it is. There were quite a few albums that should be on that list, but I didn't get to listen to them until just recently on account of a broken cd player.

P.S. I can't believe you didn't put Gorillaz on your list, Au$10. I'm disfriending you. Now, go, without clothes, into the pit of honey covered rose bushes.

Mi Huevos

2006-02-03T13:59:00.000-06:00

So, last night I found something a bit disturbing. A lump. On my testicles. Testicle. The left one. It's not that big of a lump though... about the size of a cantaloupe. It's cool though because all the chicks are checking out my package now. It's probably not cancer because of all the online medical websites that I checked out (diydr.com, naughtynurse.com, porn.org) they all said that cancerous lumps don't hurt. This lump hurts a bit. Especially when pressure is applied. If I get tapped on the sack I feel like I'm going to swallow my tongue. My girlfriend and mom think that it could be a cyst. Apparently cysts run in the family, and they have all been cured with anitbiotics. So, hopefully there won't be any need for surgery. If I do need surgery I guess I'll get that vacation I've been wanting for awhile. I have an apointment with the doctor on Monday morning. So, blog, I'll keep you posted. (pun intended)

3kalb. Out.

Eek Eek

2006-01-30T05:00:00.000-06:00

When monkeys can't fly. They swim.

No. Scratch that. They can fly WITH JETPACKS! At least, that's the case in OZ F5. It's The Wizard of Oz ON CRACK COMIC COCAINE! This comic, put out by Alias, looks, to me, to have alot of promise. We're talking Dorothy with a supersoaker, a ninja scarecrow, a mechwarrior tin-man, and a lion that is strangely reminiscent of Mel Gibson in Braveheart. I haven't read it, but I was just tooling around the WWW and came across it. The art immediately grabbed my attention. I need to draw more. Anywho, here's a monkey!

P.S. Check out OZ F5's old fashioned way of settling arguments. SHOOT FOR IT!

Crowdpleasing Comics

2006-01-27T17:46:00.000-06:00

My insight on some comics sent from Crowdpleaser...

Superman: Secret Identity (DC)
Kurt Busiek, Stuart Immonen

A Clark Kent that didn't fall from space. A story of a kid living in the shadow of his name. A kid in a universe that recognizes the superman book. A kid awakening with Superman's powers. How does he deal? Where did the powers come from? Think of Smallville in panel form that is aware of the Superman book. The art is great. The softness of the pencil sketches and the collage style colors give the book a sense of wholesomeness and warmth. It's like a Norman Rockwell Superboy.

City of Tomorrow (Wildstorm Signature Series)
Howard Chaykin

Trouble in Paradise? Well that will happen with a past as dark & shady as Old Man Foyle's. In this tale of robotic eutopia gone awary the creator's son, turned antogonist through teenage angst and parental dissilusionment, goes up against his father, the creator of said robotic eutopia. This book moves fast. Cutting through panels in such a fashion that it could be considered a montage. We catch glmipses of Jr. Sonuvabitch's parent's past, and a couple examples of why he hates them. Then at the end a twist that would make M. Night. Shamalongadingdong wet his pants in joy. Ex-cop Machina (love the play on words) has turned pimp and whoring out slutbots. He crosses paths with Jr. at a crossroads in his life. Then book one ends. Dum Dum Duuummmm. The art in CoT is definitely as dark and sketchy as the direction of the plot. Not my preferred art style, but it works well together. I do love the textures though. They do a great job of making things look gritty.

Scooter Girl (Oni)
Chynna Clugston-Major

This book had a nice slow pace to it. Like strolling through campus on a lazy fall day. It is essentially an americanized manga, or so it seems. The story itself is pretty typical for over-the-top high school drama with a hint of justice for women everywhere. Ashton Archer, womanizer from way back, hits a pot hole with scooter girl a.k.a. Margaret Sheldon. Then she vows to knock him down a notch for his shovanist ways. One thing I did like about this book is how Clugston-Major inserted song titles on certain pages in the book. It was like a soundtrack to the comic.

Billy Corgan in Smashing Guitars

2006-01-27T15:36:00.000-06:00

So, the king of Au$10nation recently posted about this, and I thought that it was so great that I should share it with everyone as well. Here we have Billy Corgan at the Peoria, IL Civic Center during an ECW match. TIME TO THROW DOWN!

Click to watch

We'll be back after these commercials...

2006-01-27T03:21:00.000-06:00

Commercial Sign!

And now back to the blog.

Up and Atom!

2006-01-25T13:22:00.000-06:00

...and now THE SIMPSONMAKER 7000!

Wipe My Nose!

2006-01-25T12:25:00.000-06:00

It (Blogger for Word) worked. How about that. Unfortunately Blogger for Word doesn't support images. Fleck Off, B to the W! Until you pick up image support, or maybe even Office integration ( <- some filthy Office integration. HAWT!) I'll stick to my stuffy old web-based posting.

So, news here. Lately, when I've loaded my template to make changes to my sidebars I've noticed that the latter part of the code isn't loading. I usually just reload it until all the code loads. However, I was in a hurry and wanted to make a quick sidebar change. I forgot to check, and absent-mindedly saved, and republished the template. I lost the latter half of the code. Therefore I lost all but one of my sidebars. At the moment no one can access my previous posts or archives, or links or any of that fun stuff. I sent Blogger an e-mail notifying them of the incident. I requested that they send me the last part of the template code via e-mail and I could just paste it in. I hope they do, and I hope it works.

In other news, I have a cold abrewing. So, I may not do much posting over the next few days. Nothing new, right? Well, You're right. So, there! Ha! IDK....

I have more to say, but I have a room to clean, and a shower to take, and a food to eat. So, I'll catch you all on the flip side of my bad side! (my good side)

Word

2006-01-25T12:23:00.000-06:00

Welcome all! This is a test of Blogger for Word. Let us see if it works.

~ 3kalb

Where's the post?

2006-01-19T15:25:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted lately because I've been rearranging my room. I'll ty and finagle the digicam from my brother and post pictures once it's completely finished. As for now it's time for some tunage from Au$10ation and more room cleanage!

3kalb. Out.

David Lynch is Lost

2006-01-11T07:28:00.000-06:00

Ok, after viewing the first 21 episodes of season 1 of Lost I have come to the conclusion that it IS the new Twin Peaks. DEAL WITH IT!

Get Lost... Again!

2006-01-10T00:41:00.000-06:00

So, I've been hearing all this buzz about Lost. My brother, the Llama, and I decided it was worth a peak. So, we got the first season and told ourselves we'd watch the pilot and see how it is. We ended up watching the first seven episodes that night. The show is just simply great! We just finished episode 12 of season one and will be watching more as the days go by.

My thoughts on the show...

1. Great cinematography. Every shot shows a great contrast of characters against context sensitive luscious backgrounds. It's as if the show is actually attempting to sex up the audience with every shot.

2. Second off we have the camera direction. Now, for an ABC primtetime sci-fi drama the direction is really good. It's as if the directors want to do more adventerous things with the camera, but ABC is holding them back. I have a feeling we could see some of the shows directors doing movies shortly, if they aren't already.

3. Next comes the characters, and oh boy is there alot of them. Each with their own hidden, and most of the times overly dramatic background stories. To discuss the characters we'll have to discuss the typical formula of the show as well. It goes a little something like this...

Events on the island lead to a specific character's dilemma which they must solve, which spawns that characters flashback. Now, the episode has become this character's episode. Throughout the rest of the episode it will jump between the character's dilemma on the island and the character's flashback. The flashbacks tell the events that character went through that led up to them being on the plane that eventually crashed onto the island.

4. That is basically it. The show continues throughout the series and each episode focuses on a different character. Sometimes, we'll hit the primary, or as I call hot characters' (because i'm sure they're all decided on viewer polls) flashbacks more then often. The last character, and my favorite character on the show is The Island. The island is full of mystery and intrique. It also has polar bears roaming through forests, the ability to make disabled people walk again, even bring people back to life, but my favorite is this huge monster (jabberwocky) that roams throughout the island bringing storms with it's presence. As of yet, the jabberwocky has killed many, but the audiance has not seen it.

5. The last thing to mention is the musical score. It's good. It's a typical orchestrated score. It uses alot of string instruments (violins for suspense and such) and every once in awhile we get some brass for action. Every once in awhile we get a cheesy song to close out the end of the show as everyone winds down and/or looks puzzled. Eh.

It's a great show. Sit down and try to watch just one. I guarantee you can't.

5/5

Scanning Music to Catch the American Dream On A Segway

2006-01-09T10:32:00.000-06:00

So, I logged on this morning to discover a couple of fun tidbits awaiting me @ Slashdot.

TidBit 1)

Apparently, the "HPScanJet 3c/4c has a variable speed scan head that is driven by a stepper motor. The Play Tune command can be used to move the head at different frequencies." What does all that mean? Well, when programmed your scanner can make music! Don't believe me? Well, don't take my word for it. Check out this video of a ScanJet playing "Fur Elise" by Ludwing Van Beethoven.

TidBit B.

Ever wondered what the American Dream is? Do you think you can catch it on a Segway? In an upcoming documentary two guys will attempt to by travelling across the country on one. Imagine Long Way Round except they're going across the U.S. instead of around the world, and they are travelling via Segway, not motorcycle. Why didn't they call Will Arnett to promote this thing? COME ON!!! Check out the trailer for 10 mph here and check out their website here.

Hell Games

2006-01-09T05:20:00.000-06:00

Hey Gang,

I know I haven't been the best blogger in the world lately, but all that isn't about to change! However, I am going to attempt to make an effort to post regularly as opposed to once in awhile. Awww, who am I kidding? Just enjoy what you get. Tonight/Morning's post...

Who has time to waste? I don't, but I do it anyway. And what better to waste your time then with fun java apps. Here's a couple of fun java games that will have you burning zombies and saving sinners.

Hell of Sand

War of the Hell

In other news, I finally washed my shower and have been using it quite regularly. It's a cute little thing, and if I had a digicam handy I'd snap a photo of it for you. If anyone has any cute/fun shower appliques feel free to contact me for my address and mail them to me. If you do, i'll take a picture after the application and post it here for any ordinary passerby to gawk at in disillusionment.

Well, that's it for me. Time for a Bedtime Story.

More to come...

...soon?

Get Lost!

2005-12-14T05:50:00.000-06:00

Bryan and I just finished Sci-Fi Channel's 3-part miniseries, The Triangle. It's about, you guessed it, the Bermuda Triangle, and stars some of today's most renowned stars; Route 666's Lou Diamond Phillips and Jurassic Park's Sam Neill. This project was spearheaded by X-Men's Bryan Singer and Independence Day's Dean Devlin. So, why was I watching this? Well, Farscape's Rockne S. O'Bannon was an executive producer. I loved Farscape. Rockne was the only reason I would put up with the action-packed, big budget oriented heads of the film and the actors that time forgot. Unfortunately, Rockne couldn't save this film from them.

There was some great atmosphere in the film, but the first part was ungodly slow, and the second part ended on a tease (Lou Diamond Phillips drinking and playing chicken with the ocean... only to lose.) We only watched the third part because Evan said the last hour of the last part was the best. We sat through 5 hours of crap to hopefully enjoy an hour of entertainment. However, there was no entertainment at all. There were a bunch of convulated questions posed, but no solid answers given. Just a happy ending at the end. Go Dean Devlin!

The Triangle has now been officially BANNED from 3kalbia.

Punch Yourself In The Face!

2005-12-14T05:18:00.000-06:00

Mugison shocks your senses in the middle of his new album, Mugimama, Is This Monkey Music?

In "Sad As A Truck" Mugison sexually assault's Wonka's wonderfully zany sweet machines to create the most intensely weird rockamelon gobstopper packed with abrassively funky flavor crystals that will scratch at your throat until you scream. Unfortunately, this gobstopper is not everlasting. Unless you hit repeat and slam eight of them in your mouth at a time. I hope that "Sad As A Truck" is big in Japan, because it is HUGE in 3kalbia. That's why it is the new national anthem. There won't be any saluting either. At least not any of that hand over the heart bullshit. When the song starts you have to chug a beer and then thrash & flail about like rabid animals until it is over.

Baseball games here are fuckin' awesome.

~ Download "Sad As A Truck" NOW!

~ Props to Au$10 for importing the sounds of Mugison to 3kalbia.

School Sucks

2005-12-12T05:40:00.000-06:00

YEAH! 63% ON THE FINAL! FUCK YEAH!!!! SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD!

A fucking 63! I went through all the stupid training shit too. Then I took the final only to be confronted with technical issues. i.e. Please select the heading "Blah Blah", but there wasn't any heading. I know I missed about 10 or more. I lost track in counting them. It was ridiculous. I know some of them I missed simply because I attempted to follow an alternate route to the answer. They never specified what specific path to take. Fucking bogus shit. G'ah. If none of my assignments that I finished show up and this final goes through I'll end up with a 71% in the class. What is that a low C? A high D? I don't know, but I'm sure the financial aid people won't like it, and may even put me on suspension again.... worst case scenerio. I'm just pissed because of all the stupid shit I'm having to deal with in that class, and because I thought it would be easy. Well, it was, but all the damned issues, the teacher being the big one, kept occuring, especially towards the end of the semester.

Well, If I'm lucky I'll get to retake CAS-121 for a third time and prove to the government that I suck at school, and delay my goal of attending the Art Institute another year. W00T! *fingers crossed*

Hey stranger

2005-11-22T06:48:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posts as of lately, gang. I've been in the process of moving... 12 FEET TO THE EAST!!! That's right. I'm moving on east to get myself a bigger piece of the pie. A pie with a bathroom, and a stove, and a washer, and a dryer, and a sink, and all sorts of fun stuff. I heart indoor plumbing. I really do. Those Romans certainly got something right.

This is about the 3rd or 4th consecutive night that I've been up till about 7 in the morning moving stuff to from fro. Tonight was a special night though. I got my entertainment center put back together and the room is starting to look like a room, instead of a storage unit with a bed.

In other nightly news, Bryan, Gabe, and Brant left town around 11 to camp outside of target so Brant could get his grubby little digits on an Xbox 360. At the moment he's 13th in line. It's about 7, and the doors open at 8. It's looking fairly optismistic at this point. Maybe I'll play some Perfect Dark Zero tomorrow night, but then again I'll probably just end up moving my computer over to it's new nesting nook.

If you're American, and I know you are... well, most of you are, then you'll know that it's about time for turkey. Oh yeah! Turkey also means friends from far off lands visiting, and drinking... too much drinking. You probably won't hear from me for another few days... or weeks. Just kidding. I'll get back as soon as I can. You know I can't forget about you.

Well, I think it's time for this little Emperor to shower and nap before slaving for the masses.

This is Blake...

EAT YOUR TURKEY!

All apologies

2005-11-16T13:51:00.000-06:00

I realize now that even though I thought a picture of me disgustingly eating cereal was hilarious at the time I now know that it quickly loses it's charm. Seeing my ugly mug chomp on food everytime I view my blog really got to me. I'll try to be more considerate in the future.

Maybe not. hee hee.

R.I.P. Lance Cacklefanny

2005-11-16T13:28:00.000-06:00

While watching today's episode of Rocketboom, the end of the episode caught me completely by surprise, and I LOVED IT! And you should too! A tragedy at the Blue Ball Factory? NOOOOOO!!!!

11/16/05 Rocketboom vlog
Blue Ball Machine
Tragedy at the Blue Ball Factory

Oh look what I found...

2005-11-14T07:45:00.000-06:00

I gotta do this first.

Just to prove to everyone that I'm not dead I've included photographic evidence that I'm still alive. Fitz stopped by for a drink while I was having some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Speaking of Fitz, he's the reason for this post. Who watches Adult Swim? Let me get a show of hands. Wow. That many of you, huh? So, I'm assuming you've seen 12. Oz. Mouse as of now, haven't you? What? You haven't? The HELL, MAN (WOMAN)/(MOUSE)! Well, Fitz has a few words for you. And might I add what a lovely shirt you're wearing.

P.S. Are you drunk?

Congratulations Denver!

2005-11-02T19:09:00.000-06:00

Let's celebrate by hitting that sticky green you just got. You did bring the treats, right? Good.

So, if you're 21, and in Denver you can now LEGALLY possess up to an ounce of the sweet leaf. "Legalizing marijuana would reduce consumption of alcohol." Which in turn would "reduce the rates of car accidents, domestic and street violence and crime."

Hmmm.. substituting one drug for another? Hey, it worked during the Civil War. Thanks Heroin!

Background checking your facebook

2005-11-02T18:44:00.000-06:00

So, I just saw this coverage on Attack of the Show.

Apparently employers are using Facebook to check the credibility of MU graduates.

You = Nair

2005-11-02T18:24:00.000-06:00

They have hair. It's your job to remove it. GO!

1st customer - Yeti

2nd customer - David Hasselhoff

Attack of the Links

2005-10-27T18:04:00.000-05:00

More links from one of my favorite shows on television, Attack of the Show.

Down with Literacy
This site cracks me up. Protesters so commited to their cause that they can't take the time to spellcheck their protest signs.

Rollyo
Imagine rolling up a list of websites into a search engine. Websites that you trust. Websites that you like. Yeah? Well, head on over to Rollyo and make your own searchroll!

Mojo Master
I haven't yet checked this out, but it looks to be promising if you want to kill some time putting the moves on digital vixens. Axe is hosting this free game that's all about hooking up.

Taking games to a whole new level

2005-10-27T17:09:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Valhalla.

A training facility and shooting club with die-hard dedication to it's clients. They've trained marines, seals, and many more military personnel. Recently, Attack of the Show's Brendan Moran visited Valhalla and they set up a FPS run for him in the Scenerio House. They had all sorts of locales: convienent store, flashing Doom-esque hallway, cockpit of a jumbo jet. All vaguely reminiscent of popular locations for FPS games. He was given live ammo, because that's what they do, and then they sent him through with a small arsenal to take out the baddies and save the innocents. I unfortunately can't find any video of this, but it was pretty impressive.

If you've got the cash and you're looking to play real FPS then take a trip to Valhalla.

Slutty Puppies Mirror

I'll put a cap in yo ass.... a Mountain Dew cap

2005-10-27T06:10:00.000-05:00

So, I just spent the last hour and half watching Garden State on HBO and entering about 220 Pepsi/Mountain Dew caps in for Mountain Dew's Xbox 360 promotion. I think my chances are pretty good. They have a drawing every 10 minutes until October 31st @ 11:50 PM. I entered them all into one drawing that, at the time, had 35 entries. So now it has about 250 entries, and 220 of them are mine. I'm not saying I'm going to win. However, I have been working awfully hard to get these caps. I've asked co-workers to set them aside, people that frequent work, my mom, and the biggest contributor besides myself has been my girlfriend. She's been gathering them from all of her friends. They all drink at least 1 Mountain Dew a day so it's definitely been adding up. I'll keep everyone posted on the results when they come in.

Do the Dew or live a healthy life without caffiene laced syrup!

Slutty Puppies Mirror

Happy B-Day, Boooooiiiiii

2005-10-26T20:44:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. Time for a family moment.
Tonight the house Detherage celebrated the birthday of our youngest, Brad. Mom prepared a pizzeria feast for the family. She fixed 4 homemade pizzas. 2 meaties and 2 veggies. I was starving so I scarfed down almost a whole pizza. Then Brad received his gifts. The traditional card with a hefty sum of cash from mom and the family and I got him the new DVD, Spend an Evening with Saddle Creek. You know something, I pride myself in my gift-giving abilities. He told me that he just found out about that DVD and was going to go up to Best Buy in search of it this weekend. Booyah! Bullseye, baby! In other mom news, she's doing much better after the surgery and tonight we discovered her favorite 3-word phrase. "God-damn motherfucker sonuvabitch." That's right. You heard me right. Bryan and I were both shocked and a bit ashamed. She says that her doctor told her to let it out on account of her blood pressure being high. She claims the letting of steam will ease her. This is true, but I guess i'm just not use to hearing my mom drop the f-bomb like I was Iraq.

The Lovely Alana

Ok, so the picture doesn't seem to relate to this post's topic, but I couldn't think of any other picture I wanted to post. The above picture is a photo of my girlfriend that I altered through Photoshop. Enjoy

Bring it back!

2005-10-24T08:22:00.001-05:00

So, the other day I was watching a fan-made video game music video (VGMV) about The Legend of Zelda. The song used was The Battle of Evermore by Led Zeppelin. While watching this I heard something in the song that I never have before. "The ring wraiths ride in black." Then it hit me. The whole song was about The Lord of the Rings. All this time and I had no idea. After pointing this out, my friend, Evan informed me that Zep does a couple of LoTR songs. I, however, don't know what they are.

So, here's my question. What are the other LoTR songs by Zep? Does anyone know of any other LoTR songs by other bands, because a LoTR mix would be alot of fun.

Exception: Please exclude Blind Guardian because all they do are LoTR songs. They even have an album that retells The Silmarillion.

Hello, Dude. Thanks for coming...

2005-10-20T04:24:00.000-05:00

I'm Jackie Treehorn, and I'm Michael Bluth.

So, I'm watching The Big Lebowski, and so should you. DO IT NOW! Wait. WAIT! Read this first, then go watch The Big Lebowski.

("The Big Lebowski" Random Quote Generator)

Now on with the post....

Who likes Arrested Development? Who's broke, and can't afford the season 2 dvd? So, you've seen all the episodes from season 2 already on Fox, but you know the dvd has loads of extras, and deleted scenes, and bloopers, right? You need to see them, don't you? You're obsessed... oh wait. This is my favorite part.

The Dude, just pencil rubbed Jackie Treehorn's paper pad revealing his doodle of a naked man with a boner. The stupifying stare on the Dude's face is priceless.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. You crave the Arrested Development season 2 dvd extras, don't you? Well, I've got some news for you. Our friends at TV.com...

"All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back. That really... really... tied the room together." THUD

Sorry about that. Damn you Lebowski for your distractions. So, our good friends at TV.com have all the extras from season 2 for you and everyone that you force them upon to view for completely free via streaming video feeds.

CHECK IT OUT!

"I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in."

Till next time, sometimes you eat the bar, and well sometimes... sometimes the bar eats you.

A diamond in the rough

2005-10-18T05:30:00.000-05:00

I figured that last one was so good that I should post some more.

I'm thinking of soup for dinner, you?

Hey Meathead!

Shift your ass into lounge!

I guess the cat is out of the bag... or is it?

Thanks Sarah! Keep up the good work.

Librarians, I'm afraid you're overdue

2005-10-18T05:06:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder what librarians do after dark? No, they couldn't possibly. Could they?

(Special thanks to Attack of the Show's Sarah Lane for finding this gem)

Da Blog Da Blog Da Da Da Blog

2005-10-17T12:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a little something for you journalists out there. Take some advice from this guy. He knows his stuff.

I want my .torrent

2005-10-17T12:12:00.000-05:00

Having troubles finding the files you want/need/obsess over unnaturally? Well then GO HERE! I stumbled across this handy dandy webpage the other day. It's a search engine for .torrent files. It searches for files through your selection from about 20 or so different .torrent sites.

If you need a file then you'll need Torrent Finder.

Everything you need to get started with bittorrent...
Azureus
Offical Bit Torrent Home Page

I come bearing great tidings of joy

2005-10-17T02:39:00.000-05:00

The server is back up. Which means the profile pictures are back up. Are you happy now, Au$10?

Somebody save me...

2005-10-16T09:33:00.000-05:00

My brother and I recently decided to revisit Smallville. The hit WB series based off of Superman, in his teens. The show is corny, and I often compare it to The O.C. with superpowers. However, I've never seen The O.C. They both play new music, that they pride themselves on, and instead of relationship drama, there's Smallville freakies (and some relationship drama.) Smallville freakies are the random characters that have changed in some way because of the meteor rocks in Smallville. There is a new one for Clark Kent to confront in each episode. At least that's how it begins. Soon you start seeing an underlying plot between Lex Luther and Clark Kent. A little bit here, a little there, and soon it all adds up. Anyway, it tackles modern day teen issues with each Smallville freakie. They all have absurd abilities.

I.E. This one girl is fat, and decides to eat nothing but veggie shakes. However, these veggies have been growing in meteor rock-laden soil. Soon, she's super thin, but needs to eat because her metabolism is hyperactive. She starts eating loads of food, but that's no good. Soon, she eats a dead deer, but then moves onto people. She is out of control, and almost eats her best friend, the only boy that ever liked her for who she is. Lesson = Anorexia is bad.

Not really my cup of tea, but it's cute to watch the writers come of with superhero spins on teen issues. hee hee. However, I think I finally know why I like the show so much. It's because it's laced with puns and saturated with irony. The puns are a dime a dozen and are always delivered with straight faces or friendly giggling afterwards. Cracks me up. The genius of the show is how much irony is laced into tragic and dramatic events.

I.E. A football coach gains the power to start fires after taking many steams using meteor rocks to heat the sauna. He comes at Clark Kent with a fire extinguisher. Pretty good, huh? A firestarter attacking someone with a fire extinguisher. It gets better. Clark takes the extinguisher from him and hits him with it. Doesn't use it on him, just gives a good hard whack. Firestarter beat down by fire extinguisher. Oh man! Classic.

That kind of stuff is everywhere. Just watch an episode. Turn it into a drinking game. I guarantee you'll be smashed halfway through the episode.

I'll be posting my progression through the series in the sidebar. If you've seen an episode I have and want to share your thoughts on it feel free to leave a comment or e-mail.

Attend the church of your choice

2005-10-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

Rock out with your Rocketboom out!

2005-10-14T15:12:00.000-05:00

I recently discovered the glorious Rocketboom. What is Rocketboom? Well, allow me to elaborate. Rocketboom is an informative and entertaining daily 3-minute video blog. It's anchorwoman, Amanda Congdon, covers anything from top news stores to internet culture. Also, she films alot of her show in the same building as The Daily Show. So, she has that going for her. They shoot with a consumer-level camera, and distribute the video for free online. They spend absolutely no money on promotion, and rely entirely on word-of-mouth.

MUGLETS! It's Flash puppets with your mug. They dance! Here's my cowboy counterpart, 3kalb Eastwood. Make your own. Tell your friends. Tell your mom. Turn your dog into a muglet, or your dinner.

Ever wanted to see a movie, but didn't know the showtimes or what theater has it playing? Well thanks to MashMap you'll never be late for a show again. Using the glorious technology of Google Maps combined with a database of theaters you can look up showtimes, locations, and directions to any theater near you. I however, don't have to deal with this, seeing as I live in the corntown of Farmersville, but I figure those of you in the big cities could take advantage of this service.

News from the gameworld

2005-10-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

For those interested in my thoughts on the gaming world I've posted my ups and downs on the newly released X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse at the Slutty Puppies Game Blog. Here's a preview... It sucks, bub. 'Nuff said! (damn, Stan Lee makes me laugh)

Back in Blog

2005-10-12T04:20:00.000-05:00

To answer your comment question, Au$10, No, I have not retired from blogging. Things have just been hectic around here, AND we were without the http://www.WildWildWeb.com for about 4 days. I do have some business to discuss with everyone out there though.

A call to arms to please the ears!

I have a few muzak mix ideas that I need your help with.

However, I can't find my notes. They are somewhere on this mess I call a desk so for the time being I will only post one idea. More will follow.

KidsongZ (covers of children's songs or songs inspired by children books or shows or children!)

What I have so far...

Little Bunny Foo Foo - The Moldy Peaches
Green Eggs & Ham - Nil8
This Little Piggy - Rasputina

Suggestions?...

Spacelab?

2005-09-29T09:59:00.000-05:00

Did you say vagina? That's crazy because I thought you said vagina!

News from the Fatherland... Or Motherland

2005-09-29T08:03:00.000-05:00

So, my mother tells me that she spoke with a nurse friend of hers and she says that there is no possible way that my dad's heart can be twice it's size. What probably is the case however is that one quarter of his heart is bigger than it should be. Probably a ventricle that's welled up or something. Mom seems to think that this is a result from father not taking his blood pressure medicine on a regular basis. A regiment of medicine that was prescriped to him 8 to 10 years ago. All this time he's been neglecting it. I don't know why he acted that way. If I ever get that proud of myself I want someone to slap me with a cold herring.

Test your might

2005-09-28T18:36:00.000-05:00

Fight to the death... WITH SONG!

Fuck's sake! Time for me to update!

2005-09-28T16:42:00.000-05:00

Hey gang, I know it's been awhile, and there's a good reason for that. The Au$10 was home and the Scott is home. RAWK!!

Au$10 was home for a few days, and those days were spent working and those nights were filled with Burnout, drinking, and "Taking Out the Trash." My buddy Scott has been home for a couple weeks and will be leaving this Sunday. We've spent alot of time drinking, gaming, and watching movies, like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, and tonight it's Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, AND The Bare Wench Project.

Although not all of my absence has been filled with good times with good friends. It seems that both of my parents aren't doing well in th health department. My mom has some "bad stuff growing down there" and needs a hysterechtomy. She has a droning pain and bleeds more than usual during her periods. She is scheduled for surgery on the 18th of October. She is expected to be out for 2-4 weeks. While she's out that means she won't have any income coming in. So, I, and hopefully my brothers as well, will help out in paying the bills and helping her about.

As for my dad.. Well, he is a "hair away from a heart attack." As of now, I know that his heart is twice the size it should be, and he has had Hypertension for about a year now, and I guess it is starting to take it's toll. Because of the enlarged size of his heart there is only enough room for his heart to compress and not expand. Therefore it can only pump about half the blood needed to keep his blood circulating through his body. His ankles and thighs are swollen because of this. The blood goes down, but can't make it back up most of the time. At the moment he is not working, which means no child support, which means things are going to be even harder when mom goes into surgery. He was scheduled to see a cardiologist yesterday, but I haven't heard anything from him since then. Maybe he was admitted. IDK.

Tonight is going to be filled with drinking, humor, softcore porn, and maybe some gaming. Tomorrow will be KFC (I dun told you he dead) with the Alana and some Army of Darkness! Groovy.

Stay Tuned...

Shaq You!

2005-09-28T15:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I wish I could be watching Shaq right now?"

NOOOOO! GOD NOOOO!

We'll get medieval on your Violent Games Act!

2005-09-15T17:27:00.000-05:00

ESA (Entertainment Software Association) to take a stand against violence. Well, the Violent Games Act anyway.

BOO MICHIGAN!

P.S. FUCK YOU ROD! YOU AND YOUR "SAFE" GAMES!

Slutty Puppies Mirror

Be an angel with Halo

2005-09-14T18:07:00.000-05:00

We all know about the devastation that Hurricane Katie caused down in Louisville. Well, instead of sitting around playing Halo and doing nothing, I've decided to do something. And so, with the click of a button, I bought a T-shirt. Not just any T-shirt mind you, but a Halo "Fight the Flood" T-shirt.

That's right, gang. Halo gamers are uniting to bring hurricane relief to the victims and to collect limited edition swag, in the form of a T-shirt. My brother and I have already ordered ours. The price tag on this bad boy is $20. However, $15 of that goes straight to Red Cross for hurricane relief.

As of September 9th Bungie has raised $120,450 in relief money from the T-shirts. I find this is a shining example of what the gaming community can offer. Not only do we like to kill each other for sport, but in the face of true disastor we can help out as well.

BUY YOURS TODAY!

Slutty Puppies Mirror

UPDATE!

2005-09-12T05:30:00.000-05:00

Hey gang! What's shakin? Well, You're looking at a wanted man. No, not him. Me. Apparently I'm wanted by the Drug Task Force. Yeah, it exists.

Well, what happened was that when I returned from dropping off my old lady, The Alana, I found Bryan, The Brother, packing up to head down to Carbondale to see Gabe, The Friend. As he was pulling out he got a phonecall. Then he walked over to me very suspiciously and hung up. Then informed me that Dad, The Father, had called and said that Wendy, The Stepmom, told him that the Drug Task Force, The Drug Task Force, came to Shell, The Work, to ask who was working on Tuesday. That was me. They asked when I worked next and then left. So, yesterday... Saturday, at work I waited for them to march in and interrogate me, but no. They never showed. So, as of now I'm Lorenzo Lamas.

As for now, I just finished a load... of homework. I just made a run up to the Citgo, formerly Phillips 66 formerly Mobil, and picked up a tallboy of Bud Light. Yeah. Life is pretty good when you live in a town that sells boozeamahol 24/7/360, BABY! Now, I'm kicking back relaxing, drinking some bud, and lounging in my chair and viewing Dumb & Dumber AT 6 IN THE MORN!

How's your life?

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn, good night, I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.

2005-09-05T15:04:00.000-05:00

Ever wondered what Earth looks like... FROM SPACE? Not just a snapshot, but real video. The spacecraft MESSENGER snapped about 358 images of Earth as it was departing and heading towards it's Mercury destination. Then they strung all the images together for this absolutely breath-taking video.

Animation in motion

2005-08-30T05:51:00.000-05:00

I was perusing Attack of the Show's blog and came across a list of webtoons from Newgrounds. Here are my favorites.

Super Mario Physics - Lukita teaches Mario about Physics

Prowlies at the River - Ex-Disney animator Adam Phillips gives us one of the most beautiful webtoons I've ever seen

Salad Fingers - Rust + Darkness + Boards of Canada = Salad Fingers

My computer can kick your computer's ass

2005-08-25T01:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, so some new things in the life of me. The biggest would have to be the purchase of upgrades for my computer. Essentially creating a new machine.

Other than that not much is new. I started classes this week. Well, they started today. I'm taking CAS-121 and MAT-141 online at LLCC. So, I'll be saving on gas money which is a plus. Also, I have Wednesdays off at work now. Thank the Gods.

D'OH!

2005-08-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

OK, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE TRIED TO TYPE THIS POST. *THROWS A BA-BOMB AT BLOGGER* IT WAS GOING TO BE A LOVELY LONG POST ABOUT HOW I'M STARTING CLASSES AND ABOUT WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT, BUT NOT NOW. NOT EVER! YOU CAN THANK BLOGGER FOR THAT. THANKS!

A moment of synthesiezed silence... PUT THAT CASIO AWAY DAMMIT!

2005-08-22T14:35:00.000-05:00

Upon logging online this morning my homepage's recent post reported that Bob Moog, "synthesizer pioneer and all around vanguard of electronic music" has passed away at age 71....

There'll be no dance music today.

I know a place where you can stick that golden ticket

2005-08-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

So, a few weeks ago Jon and I went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory....

...ummm, how can I put this delicately? WHY, TIM BURTON? WHY?

Who enjoyed this movie? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Everyone I know! I don't understand it. I really wanted to enjoy this movie. I REALLY HONESTLY TRULY did. I was open-minded, and put my critical analysis aside. The opening was simply horribly. CG chocolate getting made in the abyss of the choclate factory? Pointless.

Wow. Speak of the devil. I'm watching Cinematech on G4tv and the trailer for the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory video game is playing. The game looks awful too.

Anyway, the movie was fine and good for about the first 10-15 minutes. I honestly felt a bit heart broken when Charlie didn't get the golden ticket the first time. I mean, I knew he wasn't going to get it, but I still felt hurt. Now, that's good film making. *Applauds Tim Burton*

There was also another intriguing scene. Granpa Joe gives Charlie his savings to buy a Wonka bar. Charlie runs to the store and then suddenly the camera cuts to a 1st person view of Grandpa Joe. His eyes get droopy, and then there's blackness on the screen. Just for a moment, because then soon you here Charlie waking up Grandpa Joe and then it cuts back to the 3/4 overhead shot of the two. It was great. It felt like I fell asleep and really helped get me into the movie. One thing that didn't get me into the movie was the Oompa Loompas. Da Fuck? Their songs were horrible. I didn't feel any of the stern lessons being struck into my life like I did in the book or the first film. Instead I looked around the theater and watched as kids and adults alike chuckled at the impish creatures attempting to recreate our music culture. DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!

Johnny Depp's performance was great as usual, but there just wasn't enough Depp to save this film. Too much of it concentrated on pretty sets and dancing midgets.

I wish they would have used the 1st person thing again in the film though. I.E. When they walk into the TV Room. Everyone is wearing the goggles, because it's bright. But I never felt it was really bright, just white. If upon first showing the white TV room the screen went almost blindingly bright, and we heard Wonka say, "You'll need this glasses. It's awfully bright in here." Then you see the glasses go over the lens and fade away into the regular 3/4 shot, but everything is fine. It would feel like we put the glasses on. Eh? No? Eh? Good? Yeah. I know, I should have done this film.

1/5

This is the story of sitcom called Arrested Development and the man who watched the entire 1st season last weekend. It's Blake Detherage.

2005-08-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

So, if you didn't know from the title already I watched the entire 1st season of Arrested Development last weekend. My dear friend Au$10 (and probably only reader of this blog) just simply raves about this show. RAVES ABOUT IT! What can I say? It was good. My girl, Alana, and I watched the 1st 2 discs last Thursday and I watched the final one last Friday. It's unlike any other sitcom on tv. I don't think it should be considered a sitcom. Hmmm... What's the definition of sitcom and what requirements have to be met to be considered one?

According to Wikipedia...
A sitcom or situation comedy is a genre of comedy performance originally devised for radio but today typically found on television. Sitcoms usually consist of recurring characters in a format in which there are one or more humorous story lines centred on a common environment, such as a family home or workplace.....

So, I guess it is techinically a sitcom, but god damn it is one bizarre sitcom. Unlike most sitcoms Arrested Development uses a handcam and alot of camera movement whereas most other sitcoms simply use stabilized cameras and cut from simple full shot to head shot. Also Arrested Development has incorporated a monologue that plays throughout the show. The monologue combined with the handcam gives the show a documentary-ish feel. Something Au$10 pointed out to me, and now I see it more and more.

The show also has a strange pace to it. It feels slow, but so much plot is covered thourghout the course of an episode.

Critically Acclaimed Evan has this to say about the show, "It's the best scripted comedy on television today." You know what? I agree.

I don't know if I could commit myself to buy the TVDVDs, but I'm very frugal. I suggest that everyone go out and rent this or borrow their buddy's copy. Sit down, have some drinks and watch it all.

RENT IT

Dial I.B.A.B.I.B,B!M.D.A.T.A.1.O.M.R. for IT'S BEEN AWHILE BUT I'M BACK, BABY! MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES TO ALL 1 OF MY READERS.

2005-08-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

MEGAPHONE THIS!

2005-07-22T18:45:00.000-05:00

God bless you Attack of the Show. I have some fun links for all of you out there. Then I'm off because Evan and Pat are coming over and we're going to enjoy some season 2 and season 3 of Red vs Blue, bioioioioioioiotches!!!

Sugar Rush!
What girls really do at slumber parties
Doodle music!
Who's my gummi bear?
Best Cereal. Ever. (starring Attack of the Show's Kevin Pereira)

There you go, gang! Stay tuned for my insight on Intonation and pics.

Imagine a world with robotic Chinamen.

2005-07-20T03:56:00.000-05:00

Cause here it is!!!

Check out the video and try, just TRY and tell me how cool that isn't.

In other news, I had a two-day passport to Intonation this weekend and it rocked, and I forgot suncreen so it also burned. More to come... (just as soon as I get these pictures off of the digi-cam.)

That's all for now. Unless of course you're looking for some good movie reviews.

And now for something completely different...

2005-07-04T03:14:00.000-05:00

Hi again neighbor,

Well, I got a bit antsy and decided to make this post a day earlier than my once a week post. Lucky you. So, what's up this week huh? Well, It's been uber busy at hell lately, and there was a meeting in the inferno. I've been working extra hard to get all the imps in line for an inspection come mid-July. I didn't get out of there until 2 tonight..errr morning. And now more things to post.

CD Thoughts

Ok, so Au$10 and I swap music for movies every month. I send him a flick and he sends me about 5 CDs. So, here are my thoughts on some of the CDs from the past. The past being a few from the months of April and May.

Beck - Guero ****
It's Beck. It's good. Plus he rocks out on a gameboy!
Highlights: Missing
Lowlights: Why is there a video for Girl?

Sly & the Family Stone - Stand! ****
It's funky. Really funky. In fact, it's so funky sometimes that it borderlines on weird. And I love w31rD.
Highlights: Don't call me Nigger, Whitey
Lowlights: Why didn't I listen to this album earlier?

Annie - Anniemal ****
This album makes me want to blow bubbles with Bazooka Joe & Skip-Bo in a disco with Skipper.
Highlights: Me Plus One
Lowlights: Only lights here are the lights reflecting off the disco ball and the neons pulsing to the beat.

The Hold Steady - Separation Sunday ***
It's Barage Rock man! (Garage + Bar Rock)
Highlights: Cattle and the Creeping Things
Lowlights: Not as good as Almost Killed Me, but it's still Barage Rawkin hard!

The Buzzcocks - Singles Going Steady ****
Perverse song topics, screaming vocals, and hyper-spastic slammin' drums. What isn't there to like?
Highlights: Everybody's Happy Nowadays
Lowlights: ...

Dinosaur Jr. - You're Living All Over Me ***
Throw in some Sonic Youth, some Pearl Jam, and some Deftones and bam! There's Dinosaur Jr. ready to rip your head off.
Highlights: Show me the Way
Lowlights: none that I can think of right now.

More to come...

Super Happy Fun Links!

Want to disappear like Thom Yorke? This should help you.

Jump. Laugh. Cry. Dance. Dance. CRY DAMMIT! You tell the chicken what to do, and he'll do it. Why? Well, because he's the Subserviant Chicken. That's why. However, this chicken won't choke himself. If you catch my meaning.

Ever been hungry AND sad? No? Ever wanted to see someone that is? Well, this is the site for you, Cryingwhileeating.com You know you're intrigued.

Can't get enough Power Puff Girls? Want more? Want to see them later on down the line? Do you want to see a new story that includes almost everyone from Cartoon Network and a dash of Invader Zim and Gir? Then check out Power Puff Girls Doujinshi!

Need some advice on up and coming movies. Then check out these sites. From the Balcony with Statler & Waldorf. You know, those two old fogies in the balcony on the Muppet Show. If you're looking for an asshole that's not afraid to tell it how it is, then Filthy is just the guy for you.

Well, friends, tomorrow is the 4th. I'll be working, and earning some of that phat overtime pay, while everyone else in town is getting drunk and blowing shit up. Here's hoping you'll be doing the latter. Show your love for America by blowing up a small piece of it!

HAPPINESS ABOUNDS ME! HAPPINESS ABOUNDS ME!

2005-06-28T05:00:00.000-05:00

RED VS BLUE SEASON 3 DVD!

GLEE.

- THIS is for the RvB orgy at my house

You need a hug from behind, little buddy?

2005-06-28T04:51:00.000-05:00

Well, if you lack companionship and need someone to discuss the qualms you have with your pitiful existense then look no further. I have just the buddy for you. A buddy that's smarter than you'll ever be. Just send my buddy, SmarterChild, a message on AIM. Now, even when you're alone, in the dark, naked, crying, masturabting, and cutting yourself, you'll always have someone to share your pain, joy, resentment, anger, and/or laughter with.

Mad props to my gurlfiend, Alana, for hooking me up with my new bestest buddy.

Worst Blogger EVER!

2005-06-28T04:32:00.000-05:00

Has it really been 8 days since my last post? Man, I'm the worst blogger EVER. (We have our title, ladies and gentleman.) Well, tonight was a bit off. My little brother got in a car accident. His car was totalled, his little body got tossed around like a rag doll thanks to some senseless farmfolk. Pictures coming soon.

While at work people kept coming in and asking if I was in an accident.

They said they saw someone that looked like me get out of a car with blood pouring down their face.

damn. people exaggerate alot don't they? Fucking dramatic small towns.

Anywho, things seem to be alright. Brad was rushed to the hospital and inspected.

He's on muscle relaxants and painkillers now. Lucky duck!

Well I guess that's it for now. Pictures and more posts coming soon.

...that was awful

Don't make me summon the Broccoli Monster with my Rock 'n Roll Magic

2005-06-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

Last night while I was typing the preivous post I watched Six-String Samurai. A classic.

The movie is about a Buddy Holly Rock 'n Roller/Samurai, named Buddy ironically enough, who inevitably gets paried up with a mongol kid known best for his howling. Buddy is on his way to Vegas to take the thrown as the new king of music. However, he isn't the only one. Buddy and howler monkeyboy are pursued throughout the film by a Heavy Metal Death. The film eventually ends in a classic showdown between Rock 'n Roll and Death Metal.

With lines such as "Nice Suit. Nice suit to DIE IN." and, "Only one man can kill this many Russians." this film should be at the top of your to-see list, if you haven't seen it already.

Here's your Summer Movie Ticket!

2005-06-20T02:10:00.000-05:00

Ahhh summer is now upon us. The time for picnics and fishing. The time for enjoying the warm weather oustide. But most importantly it's the time for packing into chilly theaters and watching movies. Lots and lots of movies. However, you don't want to be tricked into paying $18 for a ticket and $23 for a tub of popcorn only to watch a piece of shit slime down a white canvas for 2 hours.

*Enter 3kalb*

"Hi, Lame-0s! My name is 3kalb, and I'm here to tell you what to see. I could tell you what not to see, but there is more crap out then you think and my time is precious. In fact, I'm so busy that I won't even stay and tell you about to watch. So, instead I've prepared this handout that highlights what you easily-led autonomatrons need to see this summer. Enjoy L053R5!"

*disappears in a puff of smoke*

MWAAA HAA HA

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Director: George Lucas
Opens: May 19

Howl's Moving Castle

Director: Hayao Miyazaki
Opens: June 10

Batman Begins

Director: Christopher Nolan
Opens: June 17

Land of the Dead

Director: George A. Romero
Opens: June 24

War of the Worlds

Director: Steven Spielberg
Opens: June 29

Undead

Director: Michael Spierig & Peter Spierig
Opens: July 1

November

Director: Greg Harrison
Opens: July 22

Night Watch

Director: Timar Bekmambetov
Opens: July 29

Happy Endings

Director: Don Roos
Opens: late July

Domino

Director: Tony Scott (Writer: Richard Kelly)
Opens: August 12

The Brothers Grimm

Director: Terry Gilliam
Opens: August 26

Rize

Director: David LaChapelle
Opens: Summer

Now, Go! Watch!! Enoy!!! Mwaaa Haa Ha

2005-06-19T02:55:00.000-05:00

Currently drinking: Busch Light
Currently listening to: Anniemal - Annie
Currently blogging on: Blogger
Currently typing on: Logitech Cordless Desktop Duo MX 700
Currently trying to: fart
Currently beginning to: ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF WITH A NEW POST!!

Ok, so I may not be rocking your socks off, but prepare yourself for a new post. Are you prepared? Are you in a fetal position under a desk? Ok, because this blog will burn and then disintegrate you!

Ok, so I was lying about that too. Why? Well, I stubbed my toe. Does that count? No. Well, forget about it. Let's move on.

So, I spent most of my day sleeping. Set my alarm for noon and kept hitting my snooze every 10 minutes until 3pm. Then I got up and went to work. Work was good at first. We got a new Cigarette Display Case which gives me more room to crank out the Lotto tickets to the poor saps that hope against hope that they will get the winning number. GET A CLUE!!! It was ungodly busy today. *curses Saturdays, especially Saturdays that I have to work* I spent most of my time trying to draw something while I was cooped up in the bulletproof box that I stand in. Nothing came out. The only thing that did come out was a bunch of horrible doodles that I left unfinished. I just wasn't feeling that creative today. So, then I tried my hand at getting some work done early. I.e. stocking the cooler with da booze, cleaning up coffee spills, taking trash out and the like, but it was so busy I basically looked like a manic depressive chicken with it's head chopped off. However, my loving mother brought my chinese. ROCK!!!! It was a delicous course of fried rice & veggies w/ some crab rangoons, and a FORTUNE COOKIE!!

Oh, and in the back there was this pitiful cricket just moping around. I poked at him with my foot and he finally started to move.....s...l...o...w...l...y. I think he lost a leg or something. Anywho, the whole evening I took extra special care to avoid him even though he's probably carrying worms just waiting to give them to the unsuspecting animal that eats him. All night I stepped over him or around him. Then closing time came. I swept the floor, and carried the broom and butler over the cricket while I went out to the store to sweep. I mopped the floor, and carried the mop over the cricket while I went out to the store to mop. Then after I got back from reading the gas pumps I carelessly rushed back to the office to turn off all the outside lights and while I was leaving the store I was going to send him my regards, but I couldn't find him. He was hiding from me... on the bottom of my shoe.

Then I came home, all ready for a shower and then some relaxation. As I was walking in the dark, practically crawling. (har har har) I stubbed my foot into two heavy clay flower pots. A long list of obscenites followed while I hobbled inside to bitch to anyone that was awake about why anyone would leave anything on the sidewalk. My mom didn't care to hear about it. So I grumbled and went to the bathroom to put something down on paper.

Now, I'm here easing the pain with some horrible Busch Light, and typing this. Nothing interesting here. Well I guess I could put something interesting down.

My mother told me that there has been a rash of ID Theft lately, about 4 million victims in the U.S. that have Visa or Mastercards. Apparently a virus got into one of their mainframes and exported a bunch of member information to eager hackers. Maybe I'm 1 or 4 million. *crosses fingers*

P.S. I recently received an anonymous comment about whoring myself out on MySpace. Well guess what Little Ani Nymus? I've taken your advice and done just that. Check me out!

The Longest Post in the history of 3kalbia

2005-06-15T03:37:00.000-05:00

First of all I'd like to formally apologize to the 2 or 3 people out there that read this blog about my 9 month absence.

I was pregnant. It wasn't something I planned, but when one goes around humping anything w/ 2 legs w/o protection it's something you have to expect sooner or later. It was sooner for me. However I am now the proud owner of a 2005 Wookie Boy EX. So I got a little tipsy and went a bit wild at the Episode III Premiere Party. So screw me. Can you believe it, though? I got an EX model! I'm just as surprised as you. I didn't think I'd be able to afford one, but my Baby Loan Officer, which just happened to be a 10 month old, said that on my budget if I put $1200 down I could get one. Man I have the cutest fuzzball on the block. I know you're all jealous.

Nah, I'm just pulling your Jawa. I wasn't peppermint. I was just sick for about 3 weeks with a nasty cold among other things...

Dot Dot Dot

*3 weeks earlier*

Dot Dot Dot

Act I

3kalb: "Well, it's about time I make another payment on the ol' credit card."
Dopple 3kalb: "Alright! Another sap for my Citibank scam."

3kalb unknowingly enters in the payment info into an indentical Citibank page. Meanwhile Dopple 3kalb laughs mainiacally while all of 3kalb's debit card info is copied directly to his/her/it's computer.

Act II

3kalb checks his checking account only to discover he's $938 overdrawn.

3kalb: "WTF, mate?!?"

3kalb prints out his statement and marches up to the bank to discuss the discrepancy only to be answered with suspiciously raised eyebrows and doubtful glances.

3kalb: "I honestly don't know what any of these charges are."
Bank Teller: "You've never heard of Paycom or Handango before?"
3kalb: "I've heard of Fandango, but not Handango."
Bank Teller: "Let me call the main office and find out what's going on."

Moments pass while 3kalb quietly waits with bottled up frustration and listens to light rock/new age music in the lobby.

Bank Teller: "Well, we've managed to acquire the numbers to most of these charges. So you can call them back and report the fraudulent charges. We've also refunded all of the overdraft charges."
3kalb: "Thank you. Well, I guess I'll call these people."

3kalb returns home and begins calling back a good handful of companies. Most of the phone conversations follow the succeeding pattern.

Service Rep: "Hi. My name is Blah Blah welcome to Yada Yada. How can I help you?
3kalb: "Hi. My name is Jeffrey Blake Detherage, and I'm calling to inquire about a/some purchase/s made to from your company on my debit card."
Service Rep: "Sure. Could I get your debit card number?"
3kalb: "Sure. It's ****(like i'm going to post my debit card number on a blog)****."
Service Rep: "Ok. Here is/are your purchase/s. What seems to be the trouble?"
3kalb: "These are all fraudulent purchases."
Service Rep: "Oh. Well, let me transfer you to our Fraud Department."

Moments pass while 3kalb impatiently listens to light rock/new age music on the phone.

Fraud Rep: "Hi. My name is Blah Blah. Welcome to Yada Yada. How can I help you?

~ REPEAT ~

Fraud Rep: "Well you should expect a refund to your account in 3 - 5 business days."
3kalb: "Thank you."

*click*

This continues on for about 7 - 8 more phonecalls.
While at work that evening 3kalb itemizes all transactions made by Dopple 3kalb and discovers that Dopple 3kalb spent about $2368. However only about $300 - $400 of the charges have gone through.

Act III

Days pass and all is looking well. The refunds show up sure as rain, but they brought friends with them, more charges. 3kalb repeats the bank march and phonecalls once again.

Days pass and all is looking well. The refunds show up sure as rain, but they brought friends with them, more charges. 3kalb repeats the bank march and phonecalls once again.

(No. That wasn't a typo.)

And now that brings us to present day. So far 3kalb hasn't noticed any new charges and his new debit card and credit cards have come in the mail. The only thing left to do now is wait for a few more refunds to clear and gather all the information for a police report.

The End...

So, that was my new short play, "Getting Fucked By Yourself." What do you think?

AND NOW.... MORE POSTS!!!

Karaoke Dance Revolution

2005-05-27T17:49:00.000-05:00

My bud, Au$10 has left for his journey to Atlanta to take his place at Paste. So, last night we celebrated with Karaoke and Dancing fun! Well, Karaoke and Dancing that is!!! I went over to Jon's around half after 5 and started drinking. First I nursed a couple of horrible drinks; Natural Light and Miller High Life. The High Life isn't bad. Anyway I drank those only because I needed time for my sweet sweet honey of the god's, Newcastle Brown Ale, to refridgerate. Then Jon's roomie, Katie showed up. From then it was nonstop hilariouty with General Hospital. Soon afterwards Au$10 showed up, and then Jon's work buddies, HErmie, Skank McSlu, and Lil' Poot showed up. Drinks were dispersed and the Karaoke Revolution was on the rise. I.. ummm.. I'm really bad at singing. I don't know what the deal was, but I got boo'ed off everytime I sang except for once. I like to think it's because I've been sick the past two days, but maybe it was because I was really REALLY DRUNK! OH MAN WAS I DRUNKASS! I hadn't been that drunk in quite some time. After the Karaoke was finished someone had the bright idea to head out to real karaoke at some bar. Although all of the friends that Jon thought would be there had migrated to Chantilly Lace, and the future plans of more singing turned into a night of dancing. Or a night of everyone dancing and me observing. I was too drunk to dance. I drank water the whole time I was there. Although the dance floor is a very interesting thing to observe. I noticed the ratio of women to men were grossly outnumbered by men which lead to incredibly enjoyable dance offs.

There were two girls there that literally owned the floor. They shall be called Lady Grey and Candystriper. All they had to do was look at somoene and that person would dance with them. It was nuts. Although what was hilarious was when they would try to dance with someone, and that person didn't see that they wanted to dance with them. They would get frustrated and dance elsewhere. Ooohhh the fun of the dance floor. I wish I would have had a notebook or a tape recorder so I could have documented last night. It was hot. Ok, so there was a gray shirted guy there whom I shall call Gray. He was kind of a cowboy. His dance style was alot of swoops and twirls accompanied by some close grinding. Candystriper and Gray wanted each other so bad. This big lanky guy in green and white, whom I will call Frankie was all up on Lady Grey. Although it seemed like Lady Grey wasn't having it. She would leave and dance up on someone else, but she soon discovered that Frankie was the only one worth dancing with.

Then we had the drunk lesbian with her husband. She would go and dance on Candystriper. Candystriper played along with the muse for a bit, but then tried to leave only to discover that drunk lesbian wasn't having it. So, Candy kept dancing with her. Soon, she got upset and left. That's when drunk lesbian also got upset and went to sit down only to fall off of her stool and break a beer bottle and be escorted outside. Hee hee.

Then there was the old couple in the corner that had lost the passion in their relationship, but the Mrs. wasn't about to give up on them yet. She kept trying to pull the drinking Mr. out on the floor, but he would take his beer with him and just sort of stand about while she tried to dance around him. Then he'd get tired of it all and sit back down enjoy his beer. They soon left. Here's hoping she gets out of that loveless relationship soon.

Then we had the stragglers. A black guy that swayed to his own urban beats, a dumpy looking fat guy, a couple of good looking guys that lacked girls so they danced with themselves. hee hee. That made me giggle. And me. I sat off to the side and watched all of this. At the very last song Lady Grey decided to take a chance with me, but I quickly turned into a bowl full of giggles and retired back to my seat. After observing everything that night it was just too damned hard for me to try and take the dancing seriously. Oh what a good drunken time.

On the way out of the club we were harassed by a couple of colored fellows looking to score some drugs from the middle-class white kids (us). It was a hoot. I was drunk. They were relentless, but we eventually made it back to Jon's where I spent most of the night on his floor and on the couch.

Here's to Au$10! And a night I won't forget, because I've documented it in my blog.
Here's to Bloggy!

Where have I been?

2005-05-26T13:28:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! (the two of you that actually read this blog)
Sorry, I haven't posted things in awhile. It's been nuts here lately. All of my friends are home from college. By all I mean Hauz and Au$10. Au$10's only here till tomorrow, which mean he was here for about 2 weeks. He's heading out east to Atlanta, Georgia to write for Paste. I've been in overdrive lately trying to cram a summer's worth of "quality time" a.k.a. drinking and being stupid with Au$10 before he goes. Tonight is Karaoke Revolution with Au$10 and Jon and Jon's girly friend, Erin. This shall be interesting especially seeing as I've been sick the past 2 days. Scratchy/sore throat. Headaches. Stomach aches. Cold Chills. All that good stuff. I seem to be doing much better today. I can actually talk now. Woo Hoo! Although singing may prove to be difficult. We shall see. Hmm... look at that. It's time to put something down on paper. Till next time. Always wear a floatie!

Church on fire

2005-05-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday there was a horrendous storm here. The storm even brought nickle-sized hail. I was working at the shell mart that night and had plenty of people pulling in off of the interstate to pack in under the awning. One old guy came inside to use the bathroom right before the hail hit, and then refused to leave until the storm died down, leaving his wife in the car at the pump. He was there for a good 20 minutes until the worst of it passed. The most devastating thing about this storm is that the church next to my girlfriend's house was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. Some of it still stands as you'll see in this picture from the story by the State Journal Register. That's it behind the people and across the street. Apparently there was a picture on the Thursday edition's cover of the church on fire. I myself don't have a copy of it. Fortunately firefighters, most of which were volunteers, were able to control the fire and prevent it from spreading to her house.

Wired on the fritz

2005-05-12T19:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, so according to Slashdot, Michelle Delio, a writer for Wired, may have made up quotes for most of her stories. In a recent review of 160 of her stories 24 were found to have unconfirmed quotes. Wired isn't the only one getting burned. Delio has also written for MIT Technology and InfoWorld.

A long long time ago...

2005-05-12T18:01:00.000-05:00

In the latest issue of Wired the article Life After Darth gives a great perspective on George Lucas. It's not just a fluff piece to push Episode 3. This article delves into Lucas' past and films that have influenced him. While reading through the article I started taking notice of the films that have influenced Lucas. The list was quite impressive, and alot of them on the list are movies I've been wanting to see for quite some time now. So, in the spirit of Episode 3 I'm going to attempt to que up a list of all the movies that helped create the force. And now... the list.

Filmmakers - Films

Bruce Baillie
Stan Brakhage
Bruce Conner
Claude Jutra
Jordan Belson - Allures
Jean-Luc Godard - Breathless
Francois Trutfaut - Jules et Jim
Frederico Fellini - 8 1/2
Akira Kurosawa - The Hidden Fortress
Norman McLaren - Neighbours
Arthur Lipsett - 21-87

Watch for upcoming updates as I continute my Jedi training.

You've been...

2005-05-08T03:37:00.000-05:00

If you work for a living why do you kill yourself working?

2005-05-08T03:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Blog,

Today was great! Absolutely wonderful! Weather-wise that is. Other than that it was hectic and filled with oddities and drunks. First I had to be at work early which means getting up early. I didn't really mind any of that, because my being there early was helping someone out. Call me corny, but it feels good to help people out. Anyway, on my way to work I had to drop off two flicks at the post office for Netflix. Upon reaching the square I was delayed by a huge parade of lawn mowers. That's right, lawn mowers. I had to turn around, and drive around the square. There were lawn mowers, golf carts, and motorcycles everywhere. This one fat guy on his mower had to have been doing 35-40 mile/hour laps around the square. Only in small towns. Later on, I found out it was the LAWN MOWER 3000, a 4-bar poker run that you're supposed to use lawn mowers during. So all the mowers were drunk! WTF?

This meant lots of drunks showing up at work. Fucking drunks. Oh, I also made a new friend today. I call him Copper Top. He bought a 4 pack of Eveready AA batteries for $2.99 because the Energrizers were $4.99. He then returned about 20 minutes later with the open package and informed me that the batteries were "no good" because his camera wouldn't work. He placed the open package on the counter in front of me and asked for the Energizers. I suspected he expected a refund, because he kept glancing down at the batteries, and pushing them towards me. I picked up the open package, and told him, "I'm sorry, sir I can't refund this." "Well, why not?!" "Because it's open. However, if you look at the back of the package Eveready says they will refund any broken batteries if you just mail it to them." Then he got all huffy and puffy and started spurting out, "fucking bullshit, bullshit," as he flung the money for the Energizers just out of my reach so I would have to lean to get it. Then I smiled and said, "Have a nice evening, sir." I miss Copper Top. *tear*

Now I'm watching The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, my favorite movie of all time. It makes me smile.

Vader, Darth Vader

2005-05-07T06:40:00.000-05:00

Hey, all you rebel spies, I have just what you need to get the upper hand on the Empire. How about a peek into the mind of the dark mysterious muscle behind the Emperor? The man, the myth, the Vader, DARTH VADER. So, yeah, he's posted his inner most thoughts on the internet in blog form. So check it out, and may the farce be with you.

Where's my towel?

2005-05-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

Oh hello there. Long time no see. Where the hell have you been anyway? I've been looking all over for you. No, wait. Scratch that. I haven't. In fact I've become so sickened by your very being that I have decided to transcend this physical presence and become pure energy. That's right. Now please step back.

*Hmmmph... hmmphhh... HMMMMMPHHHH*

Fine. I guess I'll just stay here. You know you're lucky I don't have my sonic screwdriver or else I'd fix my infinite improbabilty drive and BAM! I'd be fuckin' outta here. However, since I'm stuck here I'll tell you a bit about the greatest movie that was ever adapted from a book that was adapted from a radio show and was earlier adapted into a TV show. Although this is not the greatest movie ever it is however the greatest movie that was adapted from a book that was adapted from a radio show and was earlier adapted into a TV show, and the only one if I'm not mistaken, and I usually am. This movie is however faithful to the book, and was co-written by the book's author, Douglas Adams, before he kicked the bucket, or fell off the treadmill.

Ok, so brother Bryan and I ended up seeing The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on opening evening. We were welcomed to a theater full of fanboys and fratties. Let's just say there were popped collars and towels everywhere. "Don't Panic!" I thought, "if the collars get out of control I'll just take a towel, wrap them up, and use this holy hand grenade of antioch I brought to keep them at bay while I make a run for it." As far as the movie goes Sam Rockwell's performance as Zaphod Beeblebrox was stellar. (Get it? Movie in space. Stellar. Ha! I love myself.) However, I think having his 3rd arm tucked away and his 2nd head under his 1st was a cheap way to weasel out of doing special effects throughout the movie if you ask me. And I must say if anyone was to play Ford Prefect it most definitely shouldn't have been Mos Def. I heard rumors during pre-production that Jim Carrey was going to be Ford. That my friend, would have been out of this world. (Blake=2, Reader=0) As far as I'm concerned Trillian was hot, Zaphod stole the movie, Alan Rickman as Marvin was perfect, whales falling to their death from planteray orbit rock my socks off, but this movie is not worth $8. That's all I have to say about that. So long and thanks for all the fish.

It's funny because it's true..

2005-04-30T06:52:00.000-05:00

...And You Will Know Me By The Trail of Red

2005-04-29T14:50:00.000-05:00

Last night I trekked down to Mississippi Nights in St. Louis to see ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, and almost died. After about an hour or so of frustrated driving we eventually made it there. Even though they only played for about an hour the sheer madness that involved about 20 people on the floor, including myself, and friends Au$10 and A-Ron, seemed like a hyper-condensed, gruelling match of Smear the Queer. Mosh pits can be fun, and they can also stomp on both of your toes while you're trying to gasp for air. Within the first 10 minutes all 3 of us were dripping with sweat... yummy! Also a resurrected Brandon Lee a.k.a. The Crow, or a good facsimile, was there to help keep the audience pumped. When I got home to shower I discovered that upon taking off my shoes I had bled through my socks from my big toes. Thanks, Trail of Dead!

Things to do tonight

Bandage toes
See Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Partake in the Guild Wars till my eyes bleed

I want my G4TV

2005-04-26T12:40:00.000-05:00

Oi Oi Oi, the TV is back! Thank god. I was going crazy without my G4TV. Well, it's been a few days, and I've been trying to get here to leave a post, but it's been nuts lately. what with new Halo 2 maps, and lunar eclipses, or lack thereof. You see the other night...2 nights ago, my dear sweet Bright Eyes told me of a lunar eclipse. So, at 4am I picked her up and we parked to watch it. Only thing is there was no eclipse. D'oh. This also made me giggle because earlier at work I kept asking the local stoners if they were checking out, and a few of them said they were going to set their alarms to watch it. HA!

Kung Fu Hustle: the dance continues. Ok, this flick was some good ol' cooky fun. The action scenes with all the fighting were exhilarating. Then there were some poorly integrated homages to movies such as Spider-Man, The Matrix, and The Shining. Ugh. Although a huge downside was the fact that there were a pack 12-year-olds there. These kids were all high on pixie sticks or something. They were poking each other and giggling before the movie even began, and 2 seconds into the opening credits there were loud prepubescent outbursts of laughter ringing through the theater. But all and all it was good times, action packed, and funny. Rent it when it comes out, will ya?

Do the HUSTLE!

2005-04-22T13:30:00.000-05:00

Well, lately I've been watching this over-stylized anime entitled The Soultaker. It seems that in every episode, at least every episode so far, the main character, a whiny little boy that I will refer to as the douche from here on out, gets shot (or stabbed) in the heart, dies, comes back as a demon and then kicks the killer's ass. The killer is usually some strange group of killer robot assassins led by "the hospital group." This hospital group stole the douche's sister, and some stranger helps the douche find his sister only to discover that his sister is only a Flicker. WTF!?! Confused yet? Yeah, so am I and I'm explaining it. Anywho, it's 4 discs long, and I grudgingly trudged through the first disc. The plot shows a spark of interest so I'm hoping it gets better. I recieved the 2nd disc in the mail today only to discover it broken in two. A sign? Perhaps someone from above is watching over and trying to protect from this horrible anime.
Anywho, tonight I'm going to go see KUNG FU HUSTLE!!! RRAWK!! Earlier I queued up Shaolin Soccer, one of the director's earlier movies, in my netflix list. I'm ready to dance. Bring it on!!!

What kind of name is Libbitz?

2005-04-21T16:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, gang, so my bud, Au$10, and I have this arrangement where every month I send him an exciting dvd and he sends me some exciting cds. This month I sent him The Ice Storm, directed by the Hulk's Ang Lee. It's a fun and disturbing tale about young Peter Parkers that try to get laid and little Riccis that drop their drawers for little pyros. There's also an adultering Kevin Kline that go about spreading his alien seed in Ripley's lovepatch. Anywho, Au$10 gave me a pretty love note on pink paper and written with red ink that documents his thoughts throughout the film. I have decided to post this. 1) Because it's forkin' hilarious, and Z) because if you have the film you can follow along. It'll be fun, killjoy. DO IT!

Notes on "The Ice Storm" (An Ang lee Film)

- 1:38 -> What's with the Native American music? I thought this was a white person movie!
- 3:04 -> Tobey's so young! Ah, the burgeoning young Spider-Man digs comic books. No surprise.
- 4:18 -> Christina Ricci's young too! How am I supposed to enjoy that scene later when she's only like 12 years old?!?
- 4:52 -> Hold up! It's that gorgeous girl from "Dawson's Creek." But she's a baby too! What a horrible tease this film is!
- 4:53 -> Time for a beer.
- 5:11 -> Does she really know what "existensialism" is?
- 5:48 -> Oooo, The Idiot - I want to read that. Not kidding.
- 6:23 -> BONG!
- 6:43 -> SPIDER BONG!
- 7:25 -> "My astonishing number of sexual conquests..." - that guy's a cock.
- 7:51 -> Kevin Kline's shirt is amazing!
- 8:09 -> It's Tricky Dick! "I am not a crook."
- 8:37 -> Wow, her breasts are large for her age. That, and she hates Nixon. I have a boner now. But why is her name Charles?
- 10:21 -> Sigourney Fever! And the guy who played Satan in "The Stand!"
- 10:56 -> Elijah Wood is a doofus. But he's getting wasted, so good for him.
- 12:51 -> Key party, huh? Swingers, baby...
- 13:54 -> Fascist ... hahaha.
- 16:57 -> "He's a total young Republican." Ok, age or no, Ricci just became my hero.
- 18:00 -> Long hair is creepy. I will not join his religion. Is she actually attracted to him?
- 19:43 -> There's that music again.
- 20:14 -> Elijah Wood is like the stoic Indian. Except he's scared - And he's a white boy.
- 20:54 -> Hot!
- 21:43 -> Cheater!
- 22:41 -> Sigourney's a straight-talking slut. Kevin's a square.
- 25:05 -> Repetitive ice imagrey. Breaking like their family!
- 27:10 -> Elijah hates his dad. Faggot!!
- 28:18 -> Oh, awesome! Sigourney is reading a Phillip Roth book. Not only that, but it's When She Was Good - maybe she's thinking of life before her affair. .. Sweet mise-en-scene.
- 31:29 -> Oh yeah, almost forgot about Tobey.
- 32:39 -> Wha?? Why did Sigourney Weaver just get one of her swear words bleeped out? Am I watching cable TV here?
- 37:00 -> Whoops... sexual tension gone horribly awry.
- 37:70 -> I love how slutty Sigourney is giving Christina a talk on sex and her body.
- 42:07 -> I never want to hear Kevin Kline talk about masturbation again.
- 45:05 -> Haha@Christina'sgrace.com I hope I have me some intelligent/sarcastic children someday.
- 47:10 -> Kevin's chest is that of an ape's.
- 47:44 -> Injun muzak!
- 48:32 -> Tampax product shot.
- 51:00 -> Kevin's lecturing these kids when he's only in the house in the first place for an affair?!? He and Sigourney belong together! (see 37:20)
- 54:35 -> "What sort of name is Libbitz?" Running gag.
- 57:58 -> Oh, I get it! weather forecast -- "The Ice Storm!"
- 1:00:14 -> Key party commotion!
- 1:01:22 -> Do old people really get drunk and have sex with each other like this?
- 1:01:43 -> Holy ballz! Is that Scott Bakula?
- 1:02:06 -> Oh, guess not. Damn...
- 1:04:43 -> Tobey's going for Katie Holmes... yeah. Oh, wait, the douche is there.. and he likes Nixon. He must die.
- 1:12:29 -> Rape her, Tobey! Oh, Lord... I'm sorry. She's dumb, though.
- 1:13:56 -> "How 'bout we take a bath together?" Yes!!
- 1:17:26 -> Uh-oh. I smell death for Elijah...
- 1:19:00 -> It appears he's on a parrallel w/ the army man.
- 1:22:28 -> "Under the covers." Christina's quite the seducer.
- 1:30:36 -> Hot neighbor-on-neighbor action!
- 1:32:39 -> Wow... minuteman! Satan's got no stamina.
- 1:35:30 -> The ice storm is such a cock blocker.
- 1:36:42 -> Uhhhh... is Elijah dead yet?
- 1:37:19 -> Guess not. Frollick!
- 1:38:26 -> Holy crap! This is like "Final Destination." How many different ways can Elijah tempt death?
- 1:38:49 -> Oh. Nevermind.
- 1:41:10 -> WHOOPSIE!
- 1:42:19 -> Man, I love how utterly connected these two families are...

Kevin - Sigoureny
Wifey - Satan
Christina - Elijah
Christina - Little Bro
Kevin - Dead Elijah

- 1:43:10 -> Poor Tobey. All alone.
- 1:45:44 -> Awkward! "Here's your dead son. Oh yeah, I slept with yoru wife. And my daughter saw each of your sons' penises. Oh, hey, did you bang MY wife?"
- 1:47:35 -> Tobey's the only normal one!

Well, there it is gang. Now everyone run out, buy the movie, and enjoy!

Special thanks to DJ Au$10 for this longer-than-life post.

Popes, Bush, and Primer, Oh My!

2005-04-20T13:42:00.000-05:00

Fritz Lang, strudel, and now the King of Catholics. Ahhh, Germania, is there nothing you can't do?

Oh yeah, there was Bush in Springfield yesterday. I heard the last half of his speech for the grand opening of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum. Alot of convincing and blatantly rehearsed facts and quotes about the Abester. He even managed to link a subtle anti-terror mentality to Abe while he was discussing the contributions he made to acquire the nickname "The Great Unifier." That's our Bush!
Later after work Bryan and I watched Primer. Afterwards we sat dumbfounded staring at the dvd menu for about 10 minutes. We have now made it our goal to, on Thursday, sit down and figure that motha' out. Afterwards I eased my mind with a bit o' ghost dispersing ala Jade Empire.

P.S. Many thanks to my dear ol' friend, Au$10 for pushing the Primer.

Amateur Ornithologist Extraodinaire

2005-04-19T14:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I awake to a bird squawking in my ear. First it complemented me on the creation of this hallowed blog that you're reading now (aren't you special) then it proceeded to inform of its latest accomplishment, a summer internship at Rolling Stone. Who is this crazy bird with sharp emotional hair and tight pants? Then it dawned on me. THE ELUSIVE PURPLE-SPOTTED AARON! I soon offered it a cookie for its accomplishment, remembering from Ornithology 101 that if preoccupied with food they won't attack. Only thing is this particular Aaron lived 3 1/2 hours away. So, I would have to mail him the cookie. After hours of waiting I finally acquired his address, 666 Satan Ave., South City, 15. Now you may ask yourself why should I send him the cookie if there's no chance of attack from such a great distance. Well, my ignorant friend not only is the Purple-Spotted Aaron a snazzy dresser and a threat to all the cats on the block, but he also has a great memory. Just consider it a bit of insurance for later. Oh, and MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Then out of no where he screeched, "NO NUTS!" and disappeared into the afternoon and out of my life. So long Purple-Spotted Aaron

Hello world

2005-04-15T19:18:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is 3kalb and welcome to my Blog. This is my Blog and welcome. You are welcome to my Blog. Welcome, you to my Blog. This is 3kalb's Blog and you are welcome.